Here yous'll find drinking jokes and one liners. Savour and share your favorites with family and friends!

Be sue to visit Alcohol Jokes: Fun Alcohol Drinking Humor – Part II.

  • drinking jokesA hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve nutrient!" The hamburger says "That'south OK I just want a drink."
  • A screwdriver goes into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, nosotros take a drink named later on y'all!" The screwdriver asks, "You have a potable named Philip??"
  • So a dyslexic walks into a bra . . . .
  • A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I become you?," asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
  • A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. "What is this," asks the bartender, "some kind of joke?"
  • A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
  • An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful immature adult female and says, "And then, do I come here ofttimes?"

A Neutron walks into a bar…

  • drinking jokesA neutron walks into a bar. "How much for a beer?" the neutron asks. "For you?" says the bartender. "No charge."
  • A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender won't serve him because he can't hold his liquor.
  • The past, present, and futurity walk into a bar. It was tense.
  • Three fonts (Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman) walk into a bar. "Become out!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type here!"
  • A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
  • A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
  • drinking jokesIi 5-dollar bills walk into a bar and the bartender tells them that this is a singles bar.
  • A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says "Put it on my pecker."
  • So 2 peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
  • A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
  • A C, an East-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, but nosotros don't serve minors."

Hear the one about the dog?

  • drinking jokesA dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
  • A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small phonation say, "Y'all expect nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a pocket-size voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
  • Charles Dickens walks into a bar and says "I'll have a Martini." The bartender asks "Olive or Twist?"
  • A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out.
  • drinking jokesA magician walks downwardly an alley and turns into a bar.
  • A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder. The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. "Hey, that's cracking," says the bartender. "Where did you get that?" "France," the kitty says, "they've got millions of them!"
  • A doctor tells a woman she tin no longer affect anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

A ghost walks into a bar…

Alcohol puns are always in pour taste.

  • Remember to end and smell the rosé.
  • A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, simply don't start anything!
  • A weasle walks into a bar the bartender says "Wow I've never served a weasle before, what can I go you lot?" "Popular", goes the weasle.
  • A dung protrude walks into a bar and says to another beetle " Is this stool taken?"
  • A guy walks into a bar and is shocked to meet a horse bartender. The horse demands, "Hey buddy, what's the matter? You tin can't believe that a horse can tend bar?" "No," the guys says. "I can't believe the ferret sold the place."

A polar bear walks into a bar…

  • A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a Gin and…. …….Tonic." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" And the polar carry replies, "I don't know, I've ever had them."
  • A Chinese guy, a Japanese guy, a Laotian, a Vietnamese guy, a Cambodian, and a South Korean endeavour to walk into a fancy cocktail bar. The bouncer says, "Distressing, you tin't come up in without a Thai."
  • Give a man a duck and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to duck and he'll never walk into a bar.
  • A crab walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer please, merely if I'thousand  not satisfied with it, I'd like to exist compensated with ten bottles of  champagne." The bartender says, "Why the big clause?"
  • A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman says, "Have you lot been served?"
  • A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Want to hear a joke?" The corn stem replies, "I'm all ears!"

A man walks into a bar with his alligator…

  • A man walks into a bar with his alligator and asks: "Do yous serve lawyers here?" The bartender says: "Aye, of grade we exercise!" The man says, "OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."
  • Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a drinking glass of Water." The 2nd pharmacist says, "I'll accept a glass of H2O too." The 2d pharmacist dies.
  • Two chemists walk into a bar. The offset chemist says, "I'll have a glass of HiiO." The 2nd chemist says, "I'll accept a h2o too." The start chemist gets angry. His assassination attempt failed.
  • Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a drinking glass of HtwoO." The 2nd chemist says, "I'll have a glass of HiiO too." The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homophones in coda position too as pragmatic context.

A tarantula walks into a bar…

  • A tarantula walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Treat a drinkable, sir?" Tarantula says, "Call me hairy."
  • An amoeba walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Pay the tab before you split."
  • William Shakespeare walks into a bar. The bartender says "I told you before. You're bard from this place!"
  • Q: What were the rednecks terminal words? A: "Concord my beer and watch this!"
  • Q: What does a ghost beverage? A: Boos!
  • Hear nigh the wall that went out on the town for its altogether?… Got plastered…
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • My physician told me to spotter my drinking, then at present I potable in front end of a mirror. (One of my favorite drinking jokes.)
  • If you lot tin can't drinkable and drive, why do you need a driver's license to purchase alcohol???

More Animals

  • A goat walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve kids.
  • An ox walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Off the wagon again?"
  • An owl walks into a bar and says, "Hey, sweetie, how almost you become the waitresses to sing me happy birthday?" Bartender says, "Sorry pal, this isn't a Hooters."
  • A sheep walks into a Boston bar. Bartender says, "Welcome to my baa."
  • A beaver walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Shut the dam door!"
  • A fish walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Shouldn't you lot be in schoolhouse?"
  • A lion walks into a bar. Bartender says, "First i'due south on the house. You're my mane man.
  • A buffalo walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Herd any good jokes lately?"

Quotes, non drinking jokes

There is no bad whiskey. There are just some whiskeys that aren't as expert as others. – Raymond Chandler

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Stay decorated, go plenty of exercise, and don't drink likewise much. Then over again, don't drink besides petty. – Herman Smith-Johannsen

Sources for Drinking Jokes

Web Pages

  • Prohibition Jokes & Quotes
  • Jokes4Us
  • Walks into a Bar Jokes
  • Thrillist
  • Alcohol Trivia Resource (& Links to Alcohol Trivia).

Books

drinking jokesAldrich, J. And Taylor, J. A Dragon Walks into a Bar. NY: Adams, 2019.

Lightly, R. 109 "…Walked into a Bar" Jokes. Army camp Colina, PA: Ladley, 2021.

Southwell, D. And Wigand, S. The 500 Best Bar Jokes. London: Prion, 2009.

Hope you enjoyed these drinking jokes.

Also, practice y'all know of whatever drinking jokes that should be added? If and so, please contact hansondj (at sign) Potsdam (period) edu/. In fact, readers aid amend this website. So thanks for helping!